Un-Australian: Her name is Kidman

[Now for a game of suck and blow]

Nicole Kidman. A few years ago she was everyone's favourite "Our Nic". She was the poor unfortunate woman who had left a strange marriage filled with "alternative" religion and alleged impotence.

Recently, she came out and said that she wants to live in Nashville in the US with her Australian husband and that she wants her daughter to have an American accent. That's a proud a dinky di Australian for ya.

Now, after a string of box office flops, including the mixed reviews from Australia (which I am yet to see myself) she has stooped so low "play" the didgeridoo on German television.

My non-Australian readers (and maybe even some Australian readers) might not know that the didgeridoo is a sacred Aboriginal religious symbol.

Some tribes believe that the didgeridoo should only be played by men and if that is even touched by women, bad things can happen including death. (Not that I'm advocating death or anything - I'm just saying these are their beliefs)

At one stage in my life I felt sorry for Kidman, being in a marriage with a wack job, but now I (as many others do) can only feel that Kidman herself is becoming strange.

With those very slight shoulders and a husband who has had a chequered past, I can only hope that she will be able to weather the storm of controversy over the string of bad movies, the ignorance of indigenous Australians' beliefs (this after shooting one of the most expensive movies made in this country, partly in the outback amongst Aboriginals!), as well as the whole theory that Americans are better than Australians.

She should be proud of who she is, her heritage. Without Australia (the country, and quite likely - the movie) she would not be where she is now - being able to afford such luxuries. She should apologise to the indigenous people who she has offended. She should apologise to the Australians she has offended.

We spent over one hundred million dollars to put her name up in lights - she should be thankful.

What a croc!

[Come take a ride with the Crocodile Hunter. Babies - don't sit too close to the crocodile!]

There is only one thing stupider than the Crocodile Hunter that annoys me like nothing else.

It is has got a lot of publicity especially lately, but that doesn't mean it's good.

[Daddy! Not infront of the cameras!]

Why Katie! Why did you have to say yes to the whack job Tom Cruise.
Where in his science fiction religious ways did you think "hey, this is
a great bloke"?

Actually, I doubt whether bloke, or even fella would be in her vocabulary. She'd probably say dude. Like as in a camel's dick.

She says that she liked him in her younger days watching his movies.

[I told you Kerri-Anne - I'm not going to retire!]

I reckon Bert Newton (above) is cool as well but you won't see me in the spoon position with him.

There is something creepy about this weird bloke taking this hot chick
and changing her ideals, changing her outlook on life with this
scientology stuff. Really, I would prefer her to go out with Michael
Jackson. Then he might stop hanging out with kids.

But back to scientology: sure - it all looks fine as far as not having
bad people around you yada yada yada. But once you go into the whole
aliens brought us here stuff and weird science fiction things like that
well I'm outta there, sister.

I wonder if Our Nicole was into this stuff, or maybe she just saw
through him to whatever must be good there. (There must be something
good there. Really. No, really!)

You see, there is nothing like a waste of life - and Katie Holmes will be wasted if she marries him.

Why will be wasted I hear you ask (not understanding how I can hear you
without a microphone)? Because the last thing all the fellas in the
world want to do when they think of Katie Holmes is to have Tom bloody
Cruise in their dream as well. Unless you're into that thing - but I'm
not.

But on scientology, I don't want to get flamed here. I'm sure in it's
own way it's a nice religion - but it's not my cup of Tetley's.

For me personally I am an atheist. I can barely believe in Don Bradman
let alone in a bearded carpenter or his bearded old man who is also the
puppet master in this world of marionettes.

[Hey - I look like a tree *and* I give guys morning wood!]

But with the loss of Katie Holmes (who was an obvious choice for Mrs
Earthquake), there will also be a loss of another chick from the Big
Brother house this week.

One must go of Rachael, Christie or Geneva. I agree with Mike Goldman -
what kind of name is Geneva? What were her parents thinking? Or is this
just like last year with that boy Saxon having the made up name. Does
that mean Gretel will go out with Geneva? I'm sure Geneva wouldn't
mind. Actually - that makes my stomach feel a bit uneasy.

Out of the three I find Rachael the most intriguing. Every extra day
she's there you find out something new and refreshing about her.
Meanwhile with Christie and Geneva (above) they just seem to be two kids
wanting to pash and dash with everyone.

But who to evict? This is how it goes:

Rachael likes Tim. Christie likes Greg (who only likes her cause she's good in bed). Geneva likes Hot Dogs who prefers Vesna.

So therefore Christie (below) has to go. Christie is the dumbest of the lot who
doesn't really add much to the house. Geneva reckons she's the ugliest
girl in the house (which I whole heartedly disagree - that's Vesna),
but at least she adds some spice to the house. You could call her a
spice girl, though I choose not to.

[Huh? Who's John Travolta?]

SMS 19 10 10 with the message Christie to vote her out!