A decade in review

A friend (and countless lists) have inspired me to blog. Since I haven't blogged in a while, (being busy with doing two TAFE courses) there is a lot to blog about, or you'd think there would be? Anyways, here is my look back at the year, and decade that was.

Living out of home can suck

Due to circumstances outside my control I found myself being a transient in this great city, moving from suburb to suburb (at least once a year on average) during the majority of the decade. Living with various strange individuals, cooking spag bol with spam (it tasted awful) and having people fuck in your room (other than you) can be rather unsettling. On the other hand, when I was living by myself I had some great times. But then I lost my job. And then I moved back home.

Living at home can suck too

So yes, I lose my job, have bugger all money, move back home. Did I hear the sound of a million women's legs closing? I thought I did. There is nothing worse than living at home, no job and no car. Or quoting Young MC "Got no money and you got no car. Then you've got no woman and there you are".

Women

I wonder why I bothered to put this paragraph in, but yes, this decade did have a bit more action in that department than the decades preceeding it. But still, in the end I am no better off than I am when I started the noughties, so that makes this a dead rubber! So, why am I in this situation where I have no lady friend to speak of? One theory for me (coming from the 40 year old virgin) is that I have to stop putting the pussy on a pedestal. I treat these ladies with too much respect, too much planning, etc and that I need to just take risks.

Being selfish

Wow, these are kinda falling into each other these things. My mentor has recently told me to be more selfish (and take risks). This decade I spent the majority of it helping family in one way or another (either me being a live in maid, or someone living in my flat) and due to being unselfish, I have lost opportunities that could have benefitted me somehow. Or as one teacher said this year, "Opportunity cost".

To dream the impossible dream

So, this time 10 years ago my dream was to be on radio as a DJ. Nothing much has changed. The other day though, when trying to do a demo for radio, I was doing a demo as a "time and temp" announcer. My radio teacher told me that perhaps being a DJ wasn't for me. I spoke to a mate and she said that she had never imagined me to be a time and temp DJ. Neither had I. So, maybe my demo should be different to being Mr Jukebox. I had always imagined myself as someone who would be able to use satire and comedy to entertain. Someone like Vic Davies, Shaun Micallef or David Mitchell.

Happiness

Over the ten years I'd been looking for happiness, but first I had to define what happiness was. What makes me happy? Well, the last time I was happy this year was when I went overseas and spent a few weeks with my (ex) lady friend across the sea. Upon returning back I thought that that was a place where I could be happy. But, instead, I have been told not to come back. Here I was thinking that NZ was a nice place where you're not judged and people are even nicer than Australia, but I guess I was wrong. So, the search for happiness continues it seems.

What to do?

So, with all that happening, what do I do? I have some ideas I might develop, I've got stuff to do before I start my Business degree in March, so I will be giving it a red hot go.

I didn't go

[Girls just want to have fun]

The other day a high school reunion was held. I didn't go.

A couple of reasons why I didn't go.

Has anyone seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion? How the girls were treated so poorly at high school, but they at least had each other to rely on at the reunion.

Unfortunately, my friends from high school have moved on to further away places and I have lost contact. I would go there alone and have to react to the barrage of questions.

"So what are you up to? What's your job? Oh my god you put on so much weight! Have you moved out of home?"

Well I'm a student - still having not satisfied my dream of working in the media. After four years of working for the man and getting sidetracked I'm trying my best again to get the job that I love, not live to work.

I work in a call centre, as usual. Not that glamorous. Not at all.

Yes, I have put on weight since high school but have recently lost a lot of weight, but am still quite a lot of work away to getting to my high school weight (and I was still overweight at high school).

I am living at home. With Mum and what's left of my family who wants to live together in attempted harmony.

It sucked seeing the photos on Facebook of all the smiles of everyone from my old high school and seeing how happy they were.

You know why? It reminded of the shit I went through in high school. The intimidation. The seperatism. The name calling. The abuse.

Of all the photos of people there - they all got on. They were all mates. They were part of the cool group. The fat guy who likes music and drama doesn't get into the cool group. He stays with the nerds. But there are only so many nerds, and none of those nerds turned up to the reunion.

Before the year 11 formal I was told by one of the "cool kids" that I would be thrown off the boat. I didn't go.

In the year 12 formal I wore blue hair in the hope of trying to somehow fit in. Trying to be a part of something I so clearly wasn't. I washed my hair halfway through the formal, knowing that I didn't fit in - I never was going to. I wasn't part of the cool people. I was a nerd. And you know what, the nerds didn't turn up to that formal either.

I even made fun of a mate of mine, I feel ashamed to this day, trying to fit in. Trying to be the bully. He wasn't there to defend himself. Heartless I was. I tried to be one of them.

So, ten years later, everyone grows up. Everyone is different. Or are they? Seeing those photos brought up the hurt and the pain of many years before. There are many other stories of the shit I went through at that school, but the cool kids were okay. They stayed up the back, smoked whatever they wanted and did as they wanted.

I'm not happy about what happened there during my time at that school, but I am proud of how I overcame all the shit, including shit at home, to complete my HSC.

That makes me a winner.

Maybe I'll go to the next reunion, maybe it'll be different. Maybe I won't be the pudgy work-in-progress that I am right now. The only reason I would want to go is to show that despite it all, I have succeeded. But unlike Romy and Michelle, I hope I don't need to say I invented post it notes.

Worth the weight?

[He caught a big one that day]

The other day I went to Bunnings and dared myself to go on the scales... to my surprise my weight was somewhat different to what it used to be and I was not happy at all.

I spoke with friends about what I can do to remedy this and I have a plan in mind to help me through this time.

Excercise and cut down on food. Sounds simple right? Well, since I cook dinner and every other bloody meal at home that is an option as I control the food in the house, but excerercise is tough right now due to the other day...



[Who's deep frying these penguins?]

The other day there was an oil spill which my sister didn't clean up so days later I slipped over and banged right onto my knee. My knee hurts so bad that I limp around and yeah, it's not good.

So that restricts my excercise for the time being (or 5-10 days as my doctor put it).

So, I 'fessed up to the girl across the sea and she says that she doesn't care, she likes me the way I am.

I am aware of first impressions, while we are yet to meet after some years of chatting, I want the first impression to be a good one.

I know she says that she doesn't mind having more of me to love, but I want to make a good first impression.

And I think we will meet next year perhaps (after almost 12 years) so - the time has come to do something.

I want the first impression to be a good one - because there will never be another first impression.

The things you do for love

[What is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more.]

Love - it's crazy.

The things you do for love are crazier.

I have done stupid things for love. Like taking time off the IIRL, even walking out on work experience at a local newspaper (that could have got me started in my career in the media) to e with my (then) girlfriend.

But one stupid thing I've done was singing Baby One More Time... twice - once to impress a chick (who was meant to be nice but ended up being a bitch) and the next was at my brother's 21st.

Unfortunately, the latter was recorded so it shall be seen online sometime soon (I'm currently editing through the footage).

I love my family but I also love the media (what I want to get into in life) as well as loving someone else and that splits me big time - my parents want me here, that someone else wants me somewhere else and then there's the media.. Lord knows where I will end up there.

In the past I have just defaulted towards family and helping them out, but I am coming towards 30 and surely at some stage I need to look after myself.

No matter what I do for love this time, not everyone will love it.

UPDATE 27/09: My performance of me singing Baby One More Time at Ryan's 21st can be seen at - http://www.new.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=37227929847

Sadness and the modern betrayal

Another year.. another new blog it seems!

It seems like I only start a new blog when something big happens... or if I have time..

So, here it goes again, life is travelling rather strangely with my best friend going away and another friend becoming a nuisance.

One best friend is leaving the big smoke and living their dream - that's great - I'm happy for them: they'll be up the highway, but it's sad that I know that I will see her a lot less.

The other friend becoming a nuisance, well he is one that likes to provoke people.

First he brings up sleeping with a crush (like that kind of bullshit is something that you bring up during dinner) and then he likes to put you down while you're feeling down.


[Top of the list on Facebook's Likeness quiz for "thing you would do for a friend" is Lay off friend's crush. Obviously this person didn't take the quiz!]

So my question is, is the act of mateship dead? When does it become okay for one friend to sleep with another friend's crush (without you knowing) and then bring it up later and it's all meant to be alright?


[Any guy near that girl will get a strapping... the girl too!]

Surely we've learned from that Troy movie, other than all Greek people having six packs, that if you sleep with a chick that someone has feelings for that's how wars get started.

Not that I'm thinking of a war or anything - but what kind of compensation do you get for that?

Sure they can say, "well she's all yours now" - but do you really want to go there after your friend has been there?

I’m not gay!

[Prominent gay footballer Ian Roberts "in action"]

Good lord, this is my first blog in ages so yeah, I will get up to what I've been up to in later blogs but this is going to be towards something else.

Let me just state first before my rant.

I like gay people - they are cool - some of them are my best mates.

But, a year or two ago I sent an sms to all and sundry as part of an April Fool's joke saying that I was coming out and I was gay.

I got a few strange replies and then a couple of hours I sent through an sms saying "ha ha april fool's" or something similar.

Anyways, I was speaking to - who I think is a close mate - and she thought I was still gay after all this time?

Well obviously this is not the case.. - I am not gay at all.

But there is nothing wrong with gay.

However, she is a close mate.. and it makes me wonder do I sound gay? Do I walk or talk gay?

I eat steak, I love women, watch footy, drink beer - but because I also enjoy musicals and plays does that drift me over to that side?


[Maybe this shirt is a bit flambouyant...]

Or am I (as per usual) thinking too much and maybe thinking of the stereotypes too much?

But then again they say the best guys are either taken or gay so maybe she thought I was a best guy?

There was an incident many years ago where I wanted to go out with her but yeah.. we shan't get into that. I think that boat has sailed unfortunately.

If you love something, set it free...

[Earthquake releases a bird...]

The old Chinese saying goes:

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

I don't actually love this chick, but I do like her. I thought she liked me.

The story goes that about a month ago this chick who I had been talking to on the net for the past year on and off (with this year of being the year of being HAPPY and taking chances and doing things I don't usually do) I asked her out because we get along pretty well.

She was feeling sick and had to go into an operation and I was short on money (being the 3rd week of my pay month) so we decided that we would go out after her operation.

She had the operation and during recovery you'd think you'd talk to people you cared about (like people who want to go out with you) but every conversation I had to iniate and I found her being less and less enthusiastic about me.

It could have been her being sick? I'm not sure.

Anyways, so the other night I said to her that I release her of having to go out with me and that she only need go out with me if she wants to.

So the next day she says that "And I was about to ask you out as well..." and then went offline very quickly. She disappeared into the night like the Cheshire Cat from Alice In Wonderland.



I'm not sure whether she was relieved that it was all over and that she had to have a great escape or what but I haven't heard from her since.

What I wanted to do was - if she really likes me she will ask me out!

Lord knows if that will happen but if it doesn't well - better to do that rather than have failed.

Cest La Vie

[I really do think too much]

Sometimes I wish I wasn't like Lisa Simpson.

Some people say that Lisa Simpson can never be truly happy because she knows too much.

That's a touch like me. For example tonight I realised that as much as I want things to happen and as much as they seem like destiny it's not going to happen.

I spoke Cass and she told me that if I tell someone that they're beautiful that they should feel flattered, even happy.


[James Blunt had a song about someone being beautiful. I don't know if they acted in a huff.]

But what happens if someone has an adverse reaction? What happens if that annoys them, makes them uncomfortable.

Cass said that means that they either have a self esteem problem or they don't like me that way.

Or to put it another way - "She's just not that into you"!

Is it the truth? Is this the way it is? I don't know.



I just wish sometimes that I wasn't Lisa Simpson. After all, Homer gets through life okay.

Life's pretty good actually

[The Beatles couldn't've said it any better...]

On Valentine's Day I felt happy for the first ever.

I've never had a Valentine but yeah, on that day I decided to give Anne-Marie a gift and yeah, she loved it. She was so surprised.

That felt good.

I hear that half her family now knows about the gift and I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not, but it can't hurt.

Life's going so well that as well as the above I just got a semi-promotion which gives me more responsibility as well as taking me off the phones for half the day.

In a few months I will go for a raise as well and hopefully hit that sweet number that I want for my salary.

And I just did my first full week of TAFE and while a lot of it is revision to me I am learning stuff and there are some nice people there also.

So, overall life is pretty good. All I need is to see Cass more often and get my little brother out of this rut he is in and things will be pretty much perfect.