Earthquake Central

The life and times of the big fella.

Saturday, 25 June 2005

I have a secret




[I just have to tell you something I heard about Earthquake the other day!]

I have a secret.

I'm not sure if you should know. But here it is...

[Earthquake! Go to the naughty corner *growl*!]


Alright, I do like that Super Nanny (above).

I reckon she's cool. I reckon she knows how to tell children to shut up
and keep them under control and that's good because I'm busy watching
the footy and drinking beer.

Maybe its a discipline thing? Maybe I want a strong woman?

Well that can't be right because all the chicks I've gone out with I've
been the strong one (except for any of them who happen to read my blog
hehe).


[Opposites attract.]


The Super Nanny is not the only alternative celebrity I like I guess.

Who else is there... other than Sky from Neighbours.



[That's when good neighbours become good friends.]



Cause everyone likes Sky from Neighbours. Except Boyd.

But that is meant for a Neighbours posting, not a celebrities posting.

So on to other ladies...


[Aren't I just too cute for words.]


But then there is Miss Lauren Newton.

Now Lauren Newton would be cool on her own. But then comes the Newton part.

Normal people hate going to the in-laws for Christmas or Easter for the get togethers.

But imagine going to the Newtons for the get together. I would need a
couple of pair of undies to bring with me to stop myself from pissing
myself laughing.

[Earthquake! Pass me the salt!]



What better father-in-law could you have than Bert Newton? Every day
would be like being on the set of GMA. Or it probably would be!

Labels: , , , , ,

Friday, 17 June 2005

What a croc!



[Come take a ride with the Crocodile Hunter. Babies - don't sit too close to the crocodile!]


There is only one thing stupider than the Crocodile Hunter that annoys me like nothing else.

It is has got a lot of publicity especially lately, but that doesn't mean it's good.


[Daddy! Not infront of the cameras!]


Why Katie! Why did you have to say yes to the whack job Tom Cruise.
Where in his science fiction religious ways did you think "hey, this is
a great bloke"?

Actually, I doubt whether bloke, or even fella would be in her vocabulary. She'd probably say dude. Like as in a camel's dick.

She says that she liked him in her younger days watching his movies.

[I told you Kerri-Anne - I'm not going to retire!]


I reckon Bert Newton (above) is cool as well but you won't see me in the spoon position with him.

There is something creepy about this weird bloke taking this hot chick
and changing her ideals, changing her outlook on life with this
scientology stuff. Really, I would prefer her to go out with Michael
Jackson. Then he might stop hanging out with kids.

But back to scientology: sure - it all looks fine as far as not having
bad people around you yada yada yada. But once you go into the whole
aliens brought us here stuff and weird science fiction things like that
well I'm outta there, sister.

I wonder if Our Nicole was into this stuff, or maybe she just saw
through him to whatever must be good there. (There must be something
good there. Really. No, really!)

You see, there is nothing like a waste of life - and Katie Holmes will be wasted if she marries him.

Why will be wasted I hear you ask (not understanding how I can hear you
without a microphone)? Because the last thing all the fellas in the
world want to do when they think of Katie Holmes is to have Tom bloody
Cruise in their dream as well. Unless you're into that thing - but I'm
not.

But on scientology, I don't want to get flamed here. I'm sure in it's
own way it's a nice religion - but it's not my cup of Tetley's.

For me personally I am an atheist. I can barely believe in Don Bradman
let alone in a bearded carpenter or his bearded old man who is also the
puppet master in this world of marionettes.


[Hey - I look like a tree *and* I give guys morning wood!]


But with the loss of Katie Holmes (who was an obvious choice for Mrs
Earthquake), there will also be a loss of another chick from the Big
Brother house this week.

One must go of Rachael, Christie or Geneva. I agree with Mike Goldman -
what kind of name is Geneva? What were her parents thinking? Or is this
just like last year with that boy Saxon having the made up name. Does
that mean Gretel will go out with Geneva? I'm sure Geneva wouldn't
mind. Actually - that makes my stomach feel a bit uneasy.

Out of the three I find Rachael the most intriguing. Every extra day
she's there you find out something new and refreshing about her.
Meanwhile with Christie and Geneva (above) they just seem to be two kids
wanting to pash and dash with everyone.

But who to evict? This is how it goes:

Rachael likes Tim. Christie likes Greg (who only likes her cause she's good in bed). Geneva likes Hot Dogs who prefers Vesna.

So therefore Christie (below) has to go. Christie is the dumbest of the lot who
doesn't really add much to the house. Geneva reckons she's the ugliest
girl in the house (which I whole heartedly disagree - that's Vesna),
but at least she adds some spice to the house. You could call her a
spice girl, though I choose not to.



[Huh? Who's John Travolta?]

SMS 19 10 10 with the message Christie to vote her out!

Labels: , , , , , , ,