I didn't go

[Girls just want to have fun]

The other day a high school reunion was held. I didn't go.

A couple of reasons why I didn't go.

Has anyone seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion? How the girls were treated so poorly at high school, but they at least had each other to rely on at the reunion.

Unfortunately, my friends from high school have moved on to further away places and I have lost contact. I would go there alone and have to react to the barrage of questions.

"So what are you up to? What's your job? Oh my god you put on so much weight! Have you moved out of home?"

Well I'm a student - still having not satisfied my dream of working in the media. After four years of working for the man and getting sidetracked I'm trying my best again to get the job that I love, not live to work.

I work in a call centre, as usual. Not that glamorous. Not at all.

Yes, I have put on weight since high school but have recently lost a lot of weight, but am still quite a lot of work away to getting to my high school weight (and I was still overweight at high school).

I am living at home. With Mum and what's left of my family who wants to live together in attempted harmony.

It sucked seeing the photos on Facebook of all the smiles of everyone from my old high school and seeing how happy they were.

You know why? It reminded of the shit I went through in high school. The intimidation. The seperatism. The name calling. The abuse.

Of all the photos of people there - they all got on. They were all mates. They were part of the cool group. The fat guy who likes music and drama doesn't get into the cool group. He stays with the nerds. But there are only so many nerds, and none of those nerds turned up to the reunion.

Before the year 11 formal I was told by one of the "cool kids" that I would be thrown off the boat. I didn't go.

In the year 12 formal I wore blue hair in the hope of trying to somehow fit in. Trying to be a part of something I so clearly wasn't. I washed my hair halfway through the formal, knowing that I didn't fit in - I never was going to. I wasn't part of the cool people. I was a nerd. And you know what, the nerds didn't turn up to that formal either.

I even made fun of a mate of mine, I feel ashamed to this day, trying to fit in. Trying to be the bully. He wasn't there to defend himself. Heartless I was. I tried to be one of them.

So, ten years later, everyone grows up. Everyone is different. Or are they? Seeing those photos brought up the hurt and the pain of many years before. There are many other stories of the shit I went through at that school, but the cool kids were okay. They stayed up the back, smoked whatever they wanted and did as they wanted.

I'm not happy about what happened there during my time at that school, but I am proud of how I overcame all the shit, including shit at home, to complete my HSC.

That makes me a winner.

Maybe I'll go to the next reunion, maybe it'll be different. Maybe I won't be the pudgy work-in-progress that I am right now. The only reason I would want to go is to show that despite it all, I have succeeded. But unlike Romy and Michelle, I hope I don't need to say I invented post it notes.