Doggies get a roll on

[The doggies can't get in a sticky situation now they have a roll on!]

Well it's two weeks into our winning streak of two and I have a bold prediction for you all.

It will suprise some, annoy others and no doubt be no suprise to one slippery snaked man person.

[Roll on! Roll on! We'll roll on with our heads held high!]

The Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs will go back to back.

The Telstra Premiership will be ours and the boys from Belmore will have another NRL ring to add to their other NRL ring.

And the winners are...

Here's our run to the finals:

v Melbourne Storm @ Sydney Showground (home) - probable win
v NZ Warriors @ Ericsson Stadium (away) - possible win
v Penrith Panthers @ Penrith Stadium (away) - probable win
v Brisbane Broncos @ Telstra Stadium (away) - possible win
v South Sydney Rabbitohs @ Aussie Stadium (away) - probable win
v Newcastle Knights @ Telstra Stadium (home) - probable win
v Parramatta Eels @ Parramatta Stadium (away) - possible win
v Wests Tigers @ Telstra Stadium ("away") - probable win
v Penrith Panthers @ Telstra Stadium (home) - probable win
v Sydney Roosters @ Aussie Stadium (away) - possible win

So that's 6 more wins - enough to get us back in the 8 (we're currently 10th).

But Earthquake, I hear you say, what about all those injured players - you doufus?

Well, first off - don't call me a doufus. Secondly we have heaps of
good players coming back but the good thing is we're already winning
matches against teams higher than us.

Sonny Bill can be cheeky at times...

• Adam Perry - back in 1-2 weeks
• Willie Tonga - back in 3 weeks
• Willie Mason - back in 4 weeks
• Reni Matua - back in 6 weeks
• Sonny Bill Williams - back in 9 weeks
• Shadow players Brad Morrin, Trevor Thurling and Brett Oliver are out for the season.
  
  So, a warning (I seem to be giving a lot of warnings lately) to other
  NRL teams - the Doggies are back and are ready to be the first NRL team
  to go back to back!

I have a secret

[I just have to tell you something I heard about Earthquake the other day!]

I have a secret.

I'm not sure if you should know. But here it is...

[Earthquake! Go to the naughty corner *growl*!]

Alright, I do like that Super Nanny (above).

I reckon she's cool. I reckon she knows how to tell children to shut up
and keep them under control and that's good because I'm busy watching
the footy and drinking beer.

Maybe its a discipline thing? Maybe I want a strong woman?

Well that can't be right because all the chicks I've gone out with I've
been the strong one (except for any of them who happen to read my blog
hehe).

[Opposites attract.]

The Super Nanny is not the only alternative celebrity I like I guess.

Who else is there... other than Sky from Neighbours.

[That's when good neighbours become good friends.]


Cause everyone likes Sky from Neighbours. Except Boyd.

But that is meant for a Neighbours posting, not a celebrities posting.

So on to other ladies...

[Aren't I just too cute for words.]

But then there is Miss Lauren Newton.

Now Lauren Newton would be cool on her own. But then comes the Newton part.

Normal people hate going to the in-laws for Christmas or Easter for the get togethers.

But imagine going to the Newtons for the get together. I would need a
couple of pair of undies to bring with me to stop myself from pissing
myself laughing.

[Earthquake! Pass me the salt!]

What better father-in-law could you have than Bert Newton? Every day
would be like being on the set of GMA. Or it probably would be!

You're on notice!

[Wait a second! You've missed a stop!]

Here's a warning to all Sydney Buses bus drivers - you're on notice

If you want to drive past me with no bloody excuse - you will be named and shamed!

[You see me there? I'm the one watching Big Brother Up Late!]

In my part of the world over a dozen bus routes go through and that is the amount of buses that have driven past me this month!

The reason I get narky about buses driving past me is because my team leader at work Hoover has been getting annoyed at me for being late.

The reason why I'm late is because of public transport.

Why don't you just get a car, I hear you say?

[Please don't piss on me!]

I could piss on a tree as well, or I could piss in a toilet.

That's besides the point. What gives me the right to sit in a tin can built for 5 and pollute the earth with petrol fumes?

[I fart a lot! And that's no bull!]

Some people think "well if it's alright for cows to sit there and eat grass all day and fart then why can't I drive my 4WD?"

Maybe if they made methane gas in a can recycled from cow farts so you could use it for your fuel that might be alright - but personally I think that it is pretty selfish to drive something around when there are alternatives.

You could get an electric bicycle, or a normal one, ferries, buses, trains, trams and those thing called your feet work too!

[City Rail. Last century's trains this century.]

Which brings me back to Sydney buses. You expect Cityrail trains to be late - but not Sydney buses. They are the one constant. Well the one constant since the government decided 60 odd years ago to replace all their trams with buses (coincedently some large donations were made from the Ford Motor Company I reckon).

So it's time no shame those bus drivers who make me late to work. The one who made me scream "motherfucker" this morning because I was going to be late. Turns out I was just on time - but still I would've been earlier if the bloke was doing his job.

Bus drivers, if you do your job you'll be alright. If not - I will name you and shame you.

You have been warned!

What's the mo?

[Watch it! You could poke out someone's eye with that thing!]

The moustache. The humble domain of the man - or the hairy woman.

There have been many famous moustaches, some I could touch on - but would probably be best not touching on.

[Merv loves it doggy style!]

There is one however that has been synonymous with Australian sport. One that many people have sat there and gone "My God, *that* is a moustache!". That bloke is Mervyn Hughes.

Mervyn Hughes, as you should know - and should go to the naughty corner if you don't, was a great cricketer back in the 80's well known for his striking good looks - and moustache.

As the Aussies were smacking a Pommy tonight on tv I saw Mervyn sitting in the stands as a selector for the cricket team with that moustache.

At this stage it had been a while since I had shave. I don't shave more than twice a week due to having sensitive skin. So last night as I was watching this bloke, I was thinking to myself what does a bloke to do when he has nothing else to do - grow facial hair!

[Ned wasn't famous until he grew facial hair...]

That's right - I shall grow a moustache! I have never done it before so it's something new.

I've also decided to let those sideys grow a couple of inches lower so yeah there's a new Earthquake in town and he is fun-ky.

[Do the funky junkie!]

Not that I do drugs no. The only ice I have is in my Pepsi Max or Diet Coke.

Back to the moustache - I'm not sure if it will last too long though. My older sister mentioned that it looks like my "Uncle" (stepdad's brother).

I don't really like him - so maybe it won't last long. Plus it feels a bit strange and itchy. Yes, I am still talking about the moustache! God, you've got a dirty mind :P

And the word is no!

[Too many Americans obviously love their baseball too much!]

So what happens after six months of working on the business?

You've stayed up late at night for weeks drinking litres of coffee working on various plans to
get the show going. You've even spent weekends locked up in your room
like a cell (nah, cells are bigger) working your guts out. You've
submitted over 50 pages of material just to show that you're on the
ball. You've done a course, filled out numerous forms, learnt how to
master the art of using a fax, as well as researching all over the internet on how to get this thing done.

[Why does Telstra make me pay line rental again?]


But then you get the call.

"Sorry Earthquake, but due to your guarantor refusing to do a second mortgage on the loan, the loan won't be going any further."

This despite the guarantor saying that she would go full hog with the
loan even though she didn't agree with it - and that she would do a
second mortgage.

Now some people say that people deserve to change their mind or whatever.

I'm fine with that.

[Phar Lap never had a broken heart!]

But to put someone through six months of hopping through the hoops,
doing this, doing that - it's not good. It breaks your heart.

I would rather she had said NO six months AGO, not now!

[Holy shit! That's a comprehensive report!]

Well - I will give her the 30 page financial report I have put together
which shows that the business can make $300,000+ in the first year
(more than the loan) and see if she reads it and ends up changing her
mind.

In the meanwhile, I'm off to slave for the man in a faceless job where I get no respect.

Cest la vie!

Don't cry over spilt water!

[What? My favourite band isn't Wet Wet Wet! ]


Love is all around and so the feeling shows. But when it comes to Tom Cruise his feeling blows.
Tom Cruise is all narky about being sprayed in the face with water from
a fake microphone at the War Of The Worlds premiere in Britain from two
prankster "journalists".

So, what's the problem here?

Other people have played pranks before but nothing has come of it. Not one bitchy scientologist in sight.

Yet here Mr Cruise thinks he's God's gift to women (or at least women
young enough to be his daughter). Yes - Katie Holmes is young enough to
be his daughter, just. Or if it were one of those backwater Tasmanian
things..

[Nothing like a map of Tasmania! ]


Here's one prank that got out of hand:

[I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! ]

In ancient Greek times there were two city-states and they were at war
and yada yada yada. One of the states thought "Hey let's give them a
statue which they will love and then kill the hell out of them while
they sleep."

Moral to the story there - best pranks happen when people are asleep.

[Want to see me turn on my siren? ]

Recently on Neighbours, Stuart (above) had his goatie shaved off - while he slept. He still got the chick though.

A prank that I actually did was for April Fools' Day this year. I sent around an sms telling everyone that I was gay.

Although it wasn't just like that it was like "Well for a while now
people have been talking behind my backs and I know I can't get a
girlfriend and I now know why. I am gay"

It worked (is that a good thing or a bad thing?) and people believed it.

Well some did, anyways I am not gay I loves me women!

Or leaving the words to someone a bit more knowledgable on the subject:

[I love boobies! ]

Time to go Rachael :(

[Well I don't mind drinking this bourgeois shite - when it's free.]

Rachael might have spent some time with Tim living it up, because last night it was time to go, Rachael.

[Smile though your heart is aching. Smile even though
it’s breaking. When there are clouds in the sky, you’ll get by if you
smile through your fear and sorrow. Smile and maybe tomorrow you’ll see
the sun come shining through for you.]

It's sad really, because she was a great part of the house who added something different.

I'm not sure if I've said it before - but unlike others who were black
and white she added shades of grey. She was a past, a present and a
future.

From a tv watcher's point of view - we don't like all characters to be one dimensional, we want some width to be added in.

Rachael (above) had that width, but now it's too late.

[Just before this, Dean was holding his hands on the board - meaning that he should have been disqualified!]

She should have won Friday Night Live last week but due Big Brother's oversights she lost.

And hasn't Big Brother been doing that a lot lately - oversights.

[Geneva & Christie kiss and make up. Boy - do they make up!]

Some may say he is sexist too. When a chick gets pissed and runs around
acting like a hyperactive kid - he pulls it up straight away.

[Hot Dogs decides which hand to wank with...]

When a bloke gets drunk sexually harasses women mentally and physically
as well as a man physically (by pulling his dick no less) - Big Brother
does nothing about it until there is a backlash on the outside.

Well Hot Dogs (the bloke responsible for the above) is up for eviction
this week. Unlike Dean, who is an idiot and likes to play people, Hot
Dogs' behaviour is totally unacceptable.

He can play the whole "my Dad is in a nursing home card" all he wants but his attitude towards women is intolerable.

Vote him out.

Vote Simon, I mean Hot Dogs, by SMSing Hotdogs to 19 10 10.

Doggies out of Braith?

[Spot the jolly fat bloke and his little sheep haired brother.]

Canterbury is back to it's winning ways and thank God for that!

Despite having Corey Hughes playing (at times) at five-eighth, they
overcame a stale Canberra Raiders team that were as bad as S'OK potato
chips.

[The Boys from Belmore took the wrong boat from Circular Quay and ended up in England playing for a trophy.]

The dogs leap into the top 10 after this win, ironically (like rain on your wedding day) behind the lime green vikings.

I was out at the game with my little brother and Dad.

We paid $29 EACH to get into the game (this is because Dad didn't want
to sit around in the cheap seats) and the second half was pretty good
with three tries scored including one by Braith Anasta (below).

[Braith - what's green and red and can't climb a ladder?]

I must say, I was a bit slack on Braith during the first half where he played some forgettable football:

"What's wrong Braith, wallet weighing you down?"

"Braith - you've got more money than sense!"

"You're not worth $7 a second*!"

*Dividing the rumoured $800,000 per season salary by 24 games of 80 minutes.

When he scored that try late in the second half he didn't look too happy either.

It's strange how people can turn against a player as soon as he shows an inch of disloyalty to a club.

[Which way is the plane back to Sydney?]

But Earthquake - you still like Steve Price (above) - and he went to the Warriors.

Yes, I do. He was loyal and he went to NZ for his family because of the
misguided taunts about his employer from neighbours and so-called
friends.

Vagana however left for money and I'm not too happy with him!

Anasta at the Rabbitohs? That takes the cake!

The only reason Anasta will leave is because he wants moolah. He won't
win a premiership at the Central Coast Rabbitohs. Many have tried
before him but they all suffered. Going to the Rabbitohs also is career
suicide. He won't get $800,000 once he's left there.

So that leaves the Roosters. But Braith shouldn't go to the Roosters.

There's one team everyone hates more than the Doggies - it's the
Roosters. With all those egos there and the likes of Gould and Stuart,
Braith's thoughts might be quashed with all these big heads there.

At the Doggies he's just one of the fellas.

Plus another thing - he owes us. He played below his potential during
his contract and we just let him do his own thing. That's loyalty.
Repay that loyalty, Braith.

Stay in the family. Uncle Mal - get his signature!

No respect

[I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.]

Here's another one of those "Why I'm like" stories. First it was Tim
from Big Brother, but now it's the late great Rodney Dangerfield.

Well I'm not like him that much. Sure I can be funny in a silly kind of
way, but the one true thing I have with him (and at least a portion of
his comedy act) is no respect.

I don't want to be loved or hated really, all I want is respect.

[R to the e-s-p-e-c-t! Find out what it means to me!]

As I have explained before at Company XYZ I am treated like a schmoe.
Yes, my job is a shmoe, but that doesn't mean I should be treated like
one.

When you've been doing the same type of job for two years before you get here - you think you'd get some respect. But you don't.

Then when you add up the time you've been at this company with the
other experience in this kind of job and it's heading towards four
years - you think you'd get some respect. But you don't.

You think when you'd go for a promotion your boss would not ask "are you serious?".

Well the time is nigh, people. I am going to get me some respect.

Not with hard work and dedication - no I have tried that. I will be
going on the attack and beat these people at their own game. I shall
question the questioners.

[Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage.]

It's time to rattle the cage! I don't want to leave this cage yet - I want to just make it nicer.

More information and less similes as they come :P

[Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me?]


I have been trying to get an Optimus Prime (above, left) toy for a couple of weeks now.

I was coming first in an ebay auction but then I got outbid and wasn't prepared to pay an exorbitant price for him.

[The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire...]

You see, when my house burnt down when I was a kid (yes - I was a baby
goat), I lost practically everything - including my Transformers. So,
yes I do want to get some transformers - but not necessarily the
Cabbage Patch Kids that I lost *coughs*.

What a croc!

[Come take a ride with the Crocodile Hunter. Babies - don't sit too close to the crocodile!]

There is only one thing stupider than the Crocodile Hunter that annoys me like nothing else.

It is has got a lot of publicity especially lately, but that doesn't mean it's good.

[Daddy! Not infront of the cameras!]

Why Katie! Why did you have to say yes to the whack job Tom Cruise.
Where in his science fiction religious ways did you think "hey, this is
a great bloke"?

Actually, I doubt whether bloke, or even fella would be in her vocabulary. She'd probably say dude. Like as in a camel's dick.

She says that she liked him in her younger days watching his movies.

[I told you Kerri-Anne - I'm not going to retire!]

I reckon Bert Newton (above) is cool as well but you won't see me in the spoon position with him.

There is something creepy about this weird bloke taking this hot chick
and changing her ideals, changing her outlook on life with this
scientology stuff. Really, I would prefer her to go out with Michael
Jackson. Then he might stop hanging out with kids.

But back to scientology: sure - it all looks fine as far as not having
bad people around you yada yada yada. But once you go into the whole
aliens brought us here stuff and weird science fiction things like that
well I'm outta there, sister.

I wonder if Our Nicole was into this stuff, or maybe she just saw
through him to whatever must be good there. (There must be something
good there. Really. No, really!)

You see, there is nothing like a waste of life - and Katie Holmes will be wasted if she marries him.

Why will be wasted I hear you ask (not understanding how I can hear you
without a microphone)? Because the last thing all the fellas in the
world want to do when they think of Katie Holmes is to have Tom bloody
Cruise in their dream as well. Unless you're into that thing - but I'm
not.

But on scientology, I don't want to get flamed here. I'm sure in it's
own way it's a nice religion - but it's not my cup of Tetley's.

For me personally I am an atheist. I can barely believe in Don Bradman
let alone in a bearded carpenter or his bearded old man who is also the
puppet master in this world of marionettes.

[Hey - I look like a tree *and* I give guys morning wood!]

But with the loss of Katie Holmes (who was an obvious choice for Mrs
Earthquake), there will also be a loss of another chick from the Big
Brother house this week.

One must go of Rachael, Christie or Geneva. I agree with Mike Goldman -
what kind of name is Geneva? What were her parents thinking? Or is this
just like last year with that boy Saxon having the made up name. Does
that mean Gretel will go out with Geneva? I'm sure Geneva wouldn't
mind. Actually - that makes my stomach feel a bit uneasy.

Out of the three I find Rachael the most intriguing. Every extra day
she's there you find out something new and refreshing about her.
Meanwhile with Christie and Geneva (above) they just seem to be two kids
wanting to pash and dash with everyone.

But who to evict? This is how it goes:

Rachael likes Tim. Christie likes Greg (who only likes her cause she's good in bed). Geneva likes Hot Dogs who prefers Vesna.

So therefore Christie (below) has to go. Christie is the dumbest of the lot who
doesn't really add much to the house. Geneva reckons she's the ugliest
girl in the house (which I whole heartedly disagree - that's Vesna),
but at least she adds some spice to the house. You could call her a
spice girl, though I choose not to.

[Huh? Who's John Travolta?]

SMS 19 10 10 with the message Christie to vote her out!

God bless America!

Now I reckon it is great that this US Resident has been found in Iraq after been held hostage for months.

Wait a second Earthquake? What are you smoking? He is a fair dinkum true blue 100% Aussie!

Personally, I consider a true Aussie to be someone who lives here or
works towards bettering the country through things like sport,
business, etc.

So Shane Warne is an Aussie while he continues to live here. When he
moves to England - as long as he is playing for Australia in the
cricket - he will be an Aussie.

Rupert Murdoch, he may be an American citizen, but as long as he
continues to make rugby league a more popular sport worldwide - an
Aussie.

Yes, I know that Rugby League wasn't invented in Australia, just like
movies weren't invented in the US, but both countries respectively are
now famous for them. Kinda like with Kiwis and their Kiwi fruit (really
a Chinese fruit!).

[Ney!]

And Phar Lap, he's Aussie - what has he done for New Zealand lately?
Sure he's been dead for over half a century - but his heart hangs in
Melbourne in a Museum.

But back to the whole Douglas Wood thing. All the news broadcasts here
say he's an Aussie. But the fact is he lives in the US. He has an
American wife, an American child and the closest thing he has is family
here in Australia. That doesn't make him Australian though.

My sister follows the Sydney Kings but that doesn't make me a Sydney Kings lover.

(Yes I did used to follow the Sydney Kings - but let's not get into
that. They suck like a Kings Cross whore and there's nothing that can
change that. Not even eleven NBL championships in a row. Well maybe
eleven - but I digress)

So, in conclusion - Douglas Wood, good on ya mate. You're out of Iraq, you're loving life - but are you an Aussie?

[Hello Possums!]


As far as I'm concerned, sorry mate you're not. Barry Humphries - yes.
You, no. Holly Valance - unfortunately yes. You - no. That Dokic chick
who played tennis before Australia before changing back to another
country - close, but no.

[Born in the USA I was born in the USA.]

But Yanks are alright. They can laugh at themselves even if they reckon
they rule the world. Just look at That's My Bush
(http://imdb.com/title/tt0268077/). It's a great show and I want to get
the DVD set if it is available. It's a shame it only lasted for 8
episodes.

[What's that? Do I hear cheddar cheese being made?]

Thanks for the messages of good wishes everyone. *coughs*

My ear is feeling fine now. My doctor stuck that big metal thing in
there and sprayed it with water and it's feeling fine. Actually - too
fine.

Now I have superhuman hearing in one ear. Combined with getting my #1
pair of glasses (the ones with the good viewing) fixed today and now I
am some kinda of superhuman hear-er/see-er (if there is such a word -
I'm sure there's not).

I know one thing though - I won't have a better sleep tonight cause Mum
ended up cancelling picking up my new bed. Oh well, back to drawing
board (or sleeping bed).

You've made your bed

[Phone home.]

It's happened. Tomorrow, Mum will be helping me pick up the couch.

Good news! Though I have heard some bad things today about the sofa bed.

Everything but the kitchen sink.

Apparently they sink in the middle. That's what HouseWife (an ex) told me.

But I swear I layed on the thing and everything was alright.

Oh well, at least they're won't be the history of bedding HouseWife and others on there.

As I said say no to women! Just don't become gay. Or a bear!

Because there is nothing worse than becoming a bear. First off, you
play for North Sydney - who haven't won the competition since 1922.
Also, well you prefer to pleasure men than women.

Sure, there's nothing wrong with pleasuring a man - as long as that man is yourself!

Some people say that there is a certain stigma with being a
shirtlifter, but I'm not one them. I lifted my shirt the other day. I
had spilt some sauce on it and was trying to wash it in the loo at work.

With New South Wales winning tonight (good on ya Blues), football
shifts towards the weekend and who is the Bulldogs' five-eighth this
weekend?

Is it the State Of Origin winning five-eighth Braith Anasta? No, it's Corey Hughes.

You might remember Corey Hughes - actually chances you don't.

But Corey is a fine hooker who needs some fitness to stick on the field for the full 80. But he isn't a five-eighth.

But when Braith looks to be going to South Sydney we'll try anyone at five-eighth. Maybe even veteran Tony Grimaldi.

But why Corey!

My Dad wants to go to the game on Sunday (providing I can get out of
work), but why should I pay to see my Doggies lose with Corey Hughes at
five-eighth?

In the egroups, we have been calling for Hazem El Masri to be the five-eighth ahead of Corey.

But oh well, with 7 more to win in the next 12, (Mark O'Meley reckons
we need 10 to make the 8, not 7 - but can he count?) maybe Folkesy will
cut the fat next week and bring back Braith at five-eighth. Or better,
switch him while on the field.

#6 Hughes = time to lose!

[Twist it your way!]

Is there something strange about this picture? Yes, it is a hot chick but she's eating KFR.

You never see a chick like that eating KFR. They look more like Kirstie Alley.

Where's the pleasantly plump man in the ads eating the burger of their choice?

BTW peoples - (you should bookmark this page just for this recipe) here
is The Heart Attack Burger as created by the Quakemeister - ie: me.

*two slices of bacon, four quarter pound beef patties, four slices of cheese, mayonaise, tomato sauce on a bun.

I have had it a couple of times and you can't eat for the rest of the day. It's a lovely feeling hehe.

Just beat it! Ow!

Another thing - there are rumours that Michael Jackons will be doing a
large worldwide tour in order to save himself from bankruptcy, now that
he has been acquitted of those charges.

Apparently, he has already selected his warm-up act - The Wiggles.

On the ropes

[Come on down!]

Yep, that's Larry Emdur. He used to host a show called Double Dare. One of it's catchphrases were "physical challenge".

Why am I spouting out this mindless dribble? Well, it does have a point.

While EelBoy and I were out and about on the North Side of the
Parramatta River today after going on the Mortlake Ferry, there was
this rope structure which you could climb on in a playground at this
park.

Basically, EelBoy asked me to climb it. Now it wasn't your standard
rope ladder thing. No, this was something altogether more difficult and
annoying. Kinda like a Celine Dion song.

[My heart will go on.]

Is it funny to fall down from a height and injure your arm and knee?
Some would agree. EelBoy said he would love it to be on Funniest Home
Videos.

I think we'll be seeing a porn video with him in it on there before we'll be seeing something with me on there.

So what's the moral to the story? Don't do a dare? Well that can't be
right. I think that I shall take caution when it comes to climbing
things. Especially Kirstie Alley.

[But I still haven't found what I'm looking for.]

I've been getting flack lately from the ladies for me saying that I have closed up shop on looking for a chick.

Nah, that isn't right. Did I really say that? No, I meant that I am not looking for love - but love is alright to look for me.

When love comes to town I'm gonna jump that train. When love comes to
town I'm gonna catch that flame. Maybe I was wrong to ever let you
down. But I did what I did before love came to town.

Tomorrow night is Origin Two and you'd never guess who I'm picking.
While I won't be at Stadium Australia for the big one, I will be
watching it on Channel Nine with the commentary turned way down and Roy
& HG doing the call on Triple J. I recommend listening to the
fellas because they are better than the Channel 9 lot.

It's a shame I do miss their show on Friday nights on the ABC because
it's during the footy coverage. Sure, I could tape it - but I always
forget. One day I'll see their new show on the ABC.

EQ 4 Sara-Marie?

[Isn't she lovely. Isn't she wonderful.]

Ummmm, no.

Being a pleasantly plump person myself I do prefer chicks who are well bigger than your average paddle pop stick.

I *respect* people who stand up to the media and be who they are. Look at Darryl Brohman:

He's a good bloke. He gets by with his funny personality without having to be a rake.

But back to Sara-Marie. In series one of Big Brother she looked like this:

I tell you what, Wayne was right when he said schwing (but not about
her necessarily, but you know what I mean) because back then she was a
looker.

But since her time on Big Brother she has done various things including
signing to be a spokesman for a weight loss company and has since "shed
some pounds" as Dicko would say.

So Earthquake, why do you prefer the um bigger chicks?

Why, thanks for asking.

No worries.

Why are we still having an interview in a monologue?

I'm not sure.

Well let's stop it now.

OK. I prefer bigger chicks because these thin chicks they're the type
who think "look at me aren't I the best thing that has ever happened
since sliced bread".

I'm sure all chicks aren't like this but I'm sure even they know that
what the media judges as good looking can be intimidating to many
blokes.

But then again I've heard that the bigger chicks don't want the bigger blokes either. No, they want a thin guy as well.

So where does that leave the pleasantly plump bloke when there's no pleasantly plump chicks?

Well in the gay world they would call me a bear. Thank god I'm no bear
though. No I have decided that I am taking myself off the market.

I can hear the women screaming and shouting "No, Earthquake - give us a chance. Please!", but I am off the market.

Being a bachelor has it's good things. No woman to hassle me or annoy me. No dates. No stupid presents.

I've got enough pussy anyway - I've got two cats!

[Isn't she lovely. Isn't she wonderful.]

On the other hand though - for the right buyer my love will be for sale. (No - not in the literal sense!)

Is there a chick waiting out there for me - who knows. But I won't be loooking for someone.

Better an empty house than a bad tenant.

Hopping from bed to bed

[The above image is for illustration purposes only.]

What's a bloke to do? He's had the same bed for 6 years and he's had enough.

Get a new bed? Well, I've stuck with my job all this time despite
having shit, so I'm sure you know I'm not one to change oh so quickly.
The truth is, I've had good times and bad times on my bed.
Unfortunately - so has my sister and her ex-husband... when it was
their bed.

So this bed is like an Earthquakian family symbol of love and hate and everything inbetween.

But it creaks. It hogs up my tiny cell.. I mean bedroom and I do need more room.

How can we dance while the Earth is turning? How can we sleep while our beds are burning?

So there I was at Harvey Norman the other day looking at computers with EelBoy, and I thought to myself

what a wonderful world...

No, not that. I thought that I have been wanting a bed and a sofa bed
for years. I found one quite similar to the pic on sale for $149.

So I've put down a $49 deposit since I have no way of transport to get
it home from Auburn (other than drag it up Parramatta Road), so now I'm
picking it up tomorrow.

Trouble is - doubts have crept into my mind... like why I do need this
I could spend the money on something else like a Voltron toy or an
Optimus Prime transformer or building a wrestling ring.

At the moment I'm leaning towards getting it - but lord knows I could
be leaning the other way about it tomorrow. Either way, Glen Lazarus
will be there tomorrow so maybe he can help me load it into Mum's van.
I'm sure he'd be stronger than me.

Money money money. It must be funny in a rich man's world.

This week (with 4 days off from work -

Thanks to Big Brother's big fat beefy wallet. Yippee!

back on Friday) I will look at getting this bloody business going.
Hopefully things will go well cause if they're not I shan't be happy.
And I don't say shan't regularly either....... Shan't!

By the way Meatballs 4 was a good movie. Corey Feldman was old though.
Well not old old like I don't know.. John Howard, but older than what I
remembered him. Though this movie was made in the mid-90's past his
teenage days, but it was a bit strange. Good T&A move and that's
what every man needs!

Fully sick!

[The Outsiders are just toooo sweet!]

Men are the strongest species on the Earth.

We build skyscrapers, think up huge recipes for food, for bombs. We tackle, punch, lift, stretch, we do it all.

There's nothing that a man can't do or take. We're strong, powerful...

[E gads! He's got a cold *and* he's turned into a dummy!]

Until we get a cold.

Then we become coughing wheezing snotty little children laying in our beds or lounges rugged up like we're heading to Antarctica.

[Nice horsey!]

Nothing hurts a man more than a cold. If Achilles hadn't been hurt in his heel, he would've been hurt by the Achilles sniffles.

So why am I talking about colds? Well, you'd never guess but myself and Rabbit both have one.

The only reason why I know he had one is because we both went to see Dr K today.

But other than seeing Dr K today I spent the day sleeping and drinking water and sleeping and playing Monopoly Tycoon (and failing miserably) and sleeping.

Will I get to work tomorrow? Most likely - my sick leave has run out.

[Welcome to Company XYZ! *coughs*]

So all those people who want their problems fixed tomorrow if you hear a sick and wheezy bloke on the phone - that should be me!

Why I'm like Tim

In case you were wondering, yes this is a story related to Tim (above) from the Big Brother 2005 house.

But first I'll explain the story behind Tim.

Tim lives in the Big Brother house and is a smart bloke. Because of this he is bullied, ostracised and not one of the men. He is different - he has brains!
All the other blokes that live with him are different. They're not as smart.

Tim gets annoyed that the humour of the other housemates is based on stupid movie quotes and that kinda thing.

Fast forward to out of the house in the big wide world but in Sydney (where Tim is from) and to me. No, I'm not being selfish but this is a blog and I am typing here.

So - at my work I am part of the minority. I am someone who is intelligent, enjoys rugby league, politics, just as Tim does. But because I'm not like everyone else who prefers to hang out in the city listening to doof doof music and drinking West Coast Coolers, I will never get a head.

I don't want head, especially not the way they prefer, I want to get ahead - not just be a schmoe.

So how does one build respect while staying true to themselves. If life is a popularity contest and work is part of it how do you become Mr Company XYZ?

That's what I'm working on. I can bitch and moan all I want but I've got to get up tomorrow for work.

Life is a bitch and you know it.

But yes, my ear is still blocked and there's nothing the doctor can do.

Tonight if I don't end up watching some league at the RSL club I might watch some of the terrible movies I bought the other day on VHS for $1 each!

You know the type - they're so terrible they're good. The other day I bought Ned (http://imdb.com/title/tt0338280/), Meatballs 4 (http://imdb.com/title/tt0104837/), Dick (http://imdb.com/title/tt0144168/) and Sgt Bilko (http://imdb.com/title/tt0117608/).

I've seen Bilko (I had a copy of it from TV but the my sister's cat shat on the video! Hmmm.. it had two other movies on there too - The Lonely Guy & Roxanne) and Meatballs 4 but the others I haven't seen. Plus, I haven't seen Meatballs 4 in at least 5 years.

Anyways, enough of my rambling - I'm off to stick some ear drops in my ear. Nice!

What an earie feeling!

What's going on ear?

I tell you what - it sucks to have a blocked up ear. What sucks even
more is when the doctor you've had all your life can't fix it up.

But wait for it - what do you tell people at work when they smell an odour coming from your head - ear drops?
I need the ear drops to get whatever the hell it is out of my ear.
Could it be some kind of caviar stuck up my ear? Or perhaps the play
book for the Newcastle Knights? No, I reckon it's wax.

Though my doctor did tell me that once he was at a nursing home doing the rounds and a patient had MAGGOTS in her ear!

I want to get away! I want to FLY away! Yeah yeah yeah!

I'm working this weekend for not the best company in the world - no it
is just a tribute. Like most people I would prefer to not work shift
work, but I don't have a choice really. I am a slave for the almighty
dollar which I don't see enough of.

But this is to change - I am looking at opening up a business, but the
trouble is that I need to get a loan and things aren't going that well
with the loan - as much as my guarantor could be getting cold feet. It
took me 5 months to get her to be guarantor but now that more paperwork
and stuff is required she could be saying no.

Where does that leave me if I don't get the loan? Slaving for the man.
I don't understand how more people don't want to be their own boss.
There are risks, yes. But you don't get rich being someone else's
bitch. Unless your Anna Nicole Smith.

The rich people like Gates, Murdoch, etc took a chance and started
their own company (well maybe not Murdoch after all he did inherit a
newspaper - although it was from Adelaide!). If they hadn't they'd
still be bums.

I don't want to be a bum. I have a bum, I've seen people who are bums.
They're not happy people. So, in conclusion - to get ahead take risks.

In the words of one philiosopher:

Why not take a crazy chance? Why not do a crazy dance? If you lose a moment you might lose a lot. So why not? Why not?